Response to Jeremy Hare's "Dreams"

Jeremy, I enjoyed your story. I think you did a really good job of creating a exciting and interesting storyline and I can definitely see how you could expand more than six pages based on the characters and continuing stories of the adventures and obstacles your main characters go through.
The dialogue at the beginning is a good way to kick off the story as it starts off a normal day for the character, Hikari. She soon stumbles upon a boy at the karate school, Sora, and the story really begins. I also liked how you were able to incorporate thoughts as well as actual dialogue between the two characters without it becoming confusing to the reader and I thought the banter between Sora and Hikari was humorous at times when it was supposed to be but it also really began to tell Sora's story and why he was taking karate. I also like the imagery that you used in several scenes as well as some of the details you used to describe the characters, it really gave you a sense of where they were and what they looked like. I also enjoyed the last two pages where it is building up to the daily fight with Sora and the Captain, I really feel like you can write some good scenes between them and tell us more about that relationship and perhaps the eventual outcome of these daily battles with Sora.
Some things you might could add or expand upon could be the age of the characters. I get the feeling that they are probably high school age or early college since Hikari is attending classes. It's not something that may be necessary but could be informative to the reader. Also, you mention a place called "the promise", I would really like to have that explained more since it sounds interesting! Also, you might could have a few flashbacks or examples of how Sora was bullied or what exactly pushed him to take up karate, I know he was picked on but this could be another way of showing some of Sora's past. I also really think you should add more about the Sora-Captain situation but at the same time perhaps you could focus some more on Hikari and shaping her character and personal story.
That's really all the suggestions I have and overall I think you created a very entertaining story!