Response to Cary Bayless's "Mountain Blood"

Cary, I think you did a great job with this story. I really enjoyed the idea and really feel like you can expand on it.

"Mountain Blood" is about a male character, Chad, who at first glance seems to have a regular life working in what I'm guessing is a hotel or lodge of some sort. But, he has actually dealt with great sadness and tragedy in his young life. As the story continues, we learn that his girlfriend, Julia, has been murdered by a serial killer who prays on couples because he can not stand the thought of happiness. With that in mind, Chad feels guilty since he was not with Julia in the moments during the murder, hence he was not killed along with Julia. This guilt almost consumes him as well as the thought that Julia is no longer alive and he is a completely different version of himself than when Julia was alive and you wonder if he will ever be able to get back to himself and happiness.

I think the story is trying to talk about the unhappiness that can happen when someone close to you leaves, disappears, passes away,etc and the emotions you go through as well as that feeling of not being complete and missing that person.

I really like the overall plot of this story and I think there is a lot you can do with it. I think you have a great eye for detail and you really explain things very well in your writing which I as a reader enjoy. For instance, the way you describe Julia's dress, hair, and expression on her face when she is being removed from the house was done very well. I also like the use of flashbacks that are used throughout the story, I think this is always a good idea to explain something more that has obviously happened in the past and its able to give the reader a broader picture. Like the details, you also do imagery very well such as explaining the place where Chad works and the room where Chad and Beau are hanging out. There was so much that worked in the story but there could possibly be a few additions.

I am very interested in the whole serial killer storyline and I would like to learn more about that situation. Such as did they ever catch the serial killer, is Chad perhaps going to try and find him if hasn't been caught, how many incidents were there, maybe cite incidents where Chad and Julia thought someone was watching them,etc. I would also like to see more flashbacks with Chad and Julia when they were happy or Chad sees something that reminds him of Julia since that can give you more of a picture of the relationship as a whole. Maybe some more information about his friendship with Beau and more dialogue between them since I liked what you had but you could have more. That's really all I can think of!

I'm really interested to see the complete story and where it goes. Great job!