Response to Ethan's "Holes Full of Dirt"

This story is about a 15 year old guy (Jeremy) who tries to impress a 17 year girl (Ashlyn) who frequently carpool together, by filling in holes near his house to prove that he is an adult so Ashlyn might see him in a different light. Filling the holes doesn't go as planned and he gets some encouragement from his dad at the end.

I really enjoyed this story especially since you do a good job of describing Jeremy, especially at the beginning so we get an idea of who he is. I also really liked the dialogue between Jeremy and Ashlyn as they were riding in the car. Even though the scene isn't too long, I think the audience gets a good idea of the character's relationship. I also liked the character of Jeremy's friend, Denver, as well as the ending with the father.

I would like to see more development of both Ashlyn and the dad. I actually like the pairing of Ashlyn and Jeremy and I was interested to see what became of their relationship. You get the feeling that Ashlyn might be interested and the age difference isn't so far away that it does seem plausible. The reader also gets the idea that Ashlyn is very pretty so it might be good to give more details about what she looks like. Also, you might want to mention the dad a little before the ending so we are already introduced to the character and know a little more about him.

Good job!