Response to Jeremy Hare's "Dreams"

Jeremy, I enjoyed your story. I think you did a really good job of creating a exciting and interesting storyline and I can definitely see how you could expand more than six pages based on the characters and continuing stories of the adventures and obstacles your main characters go through.
The dialogue at the beginning is a good way to kick off the story as it starts off a normal day for the character, Hikari. She soon stumbles upon a boy at the karate school, Sora, and the story really begins. I also liked how you were able to incorporate thoughts as well as actual dialogue between the two characters without it becoming confusing to the reader and I thought the banter between Sora and Hikari was humorous at times when it was supposed to be but it also really began to tell Sora's story and why he was taking karate. I also like the imagery that you used in several scenes as well as some of the details you used to describe the characters, it really gave you a sense of where they were and what they looked like. I also enjoyed the last two pages where it is building up to the daily fight with Sora and the Captain, I really feel like you can write some good scenes between them and tell us more about that relationship and perhaps the eventual outcome of these daily battles with Sora.
Some things you might could add or expand upon could be the age of the characters. I get the feeling that they are probably high school age or early college since Hikari is attending classes. It's not something that may be necessary but could be informative to the reader. Also, you mention a place called "the promise", I would really like to have that explained more since it sounds interesting! Also, you might could have a few flashbacks or examples of how Sora was bullied or what exactly pushed him to take up karate, I know he was picked on but this could be another way of showing some of Sora's past. I also really think you should add more about the Sora-Captain situation but at the same time perhaps you could focus some more on Hikari and shaping her character and personal story.
That's really all the suggestions I have and overall I think you created a very entertaining story!

Response to 1-900

In my opinion, this is the story of a man, John, whose wife had left him because of his over-bearing behavior.  He found her voice irritating, but in reality, he wanted her back.  She knew he was violent as was exhibited by his breaking down a door and his own sister and her husband throwing him out of their house.  In desperation, he calls a sex-line to talk to a woman. Rather than talk sex, as she wanted to, he is more turned on by the need to show his power over her.  He indicated that his wife and he drank and did drugs, but she thought he was “convoluted” and “morbid.”  I think the wife saw his violent nature and wanted him to stay as far as possible from her and their two children. In the process of talking to “Marilyn/Sharon”, the hostess on the sex-line, he exhibited this behavior as he pulls information from her.  She is unwilling at first, but slowly she told him far more information that she should have to a stranger who was calling for phone sex.  She never completely lets down her guard, although she does tell him her real name and information about herself.  In that position, John provided the reader with the ability to see that he wanted to be in charge of the situation, especially when he told her that his wife did not want to be a housewife, but asks “Marilyn/Sharon” is she does.  As the hostess realized that John is not normal and that the conversation has gotten her “spooked”, she declined to give out any more info and spoke to him, perhaps with irritation like his wife’s voice? and that she had to go.  As John let her know that he liked her voice sounding like that and questioned her that if he called again and asked for her, would they send him to her phone?  She no longer answered and hung up.  I believe that in using only the two characters to narrate the story, we see the development of what seemed like a shy man wanting phone sex, was really a perverted individual who was searching for someone to take the place of his wife who had left him due to his violent nature. 

Dennis Johnson's Emergency

Just looking at the title and the first few sentences of the story, I though this short story was going to be about the daily life of someone that worked in the medical field at a hospital. As I read further, I soon realized this was not the case.
"Emergency" almost seems like a dream in many parts of the story and the reader is left wondering when these events took place or even if they really even took place. On the very first page the narrator speaks of a friend that regularly steals and consumes prescription pills from the hospital so that does have some bearing on the events of the story. The way the story seemed to shift back and forth from different settings and happenings was interesting and the author did this without making the change confusing.
The storyline dealing with the Terrence Webber character almost seemed like a scene out of the TV show "Grey's Anatomy". It featured a seemingly rare, out there injury which could possibly happen in real life, in this case Terrance had been stabbed close to the eye area with a hunting knife by his wife. Very dramatic yet it seemed to have a humorous twist to it. I definitely found that particular section unique and not necessarily something you would see everyday or even in a short story.
The rest of the story is what seemed to have a dream like feel to it in my opinion. Starting on page 388 when "a jack rabbit scurried out in front of us, and we hit it", the tone felt monotonous and not excited or startled at any degree since one of the main characters doesn't even notice that they have hit a rabbit and is busy talking about rides at the fair. I did like how they referenced the hunting knife from the previous scene at the hospital to the death of the jack rabbit. The whole situation with the baby bunnies was a little disturbing and its interesting how they are a main focus then the story drifts to the weather then back to the bunnies to finish up that portion of the story. The end of the story which deals with an introduction to a new character Hardee. I'm guessing Hardee was being drafted during the Vietnam war and Georgie suggest they will get him to Canada. I did like the exchange between Hardee and Georgie to end this story, bringing the fact he saves lives back into the story and wrapping it up.

Short-Short TV Exercise

Evening Out?

“So…what are you watching?” Cassie asked out loud.

“Nothing”, Jason replied, “Just the same old reruns that come on at this time.”  He looked at the television wistfully, “Seems like they would put something on that was interesting, you know, like a good movie…instead of this,” and he pointed at the screen with the Laverne and Shirley dancing down the street to their theme song:

“…There is nothing we won't try,

Never heard the word impossible…

…Make all our dreams come true

For me and you.”

            “You know,” Cassie said as she walked and stood in front of the TV, “there are about a thousand other stations you could watch, but…I had a great idea for tonight.”  She waited for Jason to answer.  Instead he waved for her to move over.

            “I can’t see,” he sighed, “if you miss the first part of the story, you have no idea what is going on.”

            “Jason!” Cassie stomped her foot and then moved ever so slightly from the front of the TV screen, “listen to me, I…have…an…IDEA.”  She looked at him as she said it.

            No reply.  “Jason?” she now spoke with a slightly elevated voice that was beginning to show annoyance.

            “What?”  Jason shook his head as though he had to clear his brain from a deep slumber, “Commercial break…I’m all yours.  Did…did you say something about someone named Ida?”

            Cassie looked at Jason with an eye-rolling look. “You never pay attention to anything while the TV is on.  I said… I…as in me…had an IDEA…not anything about an Ida.  You’re impossible.”  She looked sad.

            “Okay…” Jason answered slowly with a questioning look, “So, what is this idea?”  He looked at the TV as the show returned and Laverne fell up some stairs.

             Cassie cast an unhappy look in his direction, “I wish you would try and listen to me as well as you listen to them.”  She gave a glance at the TV, a tear slowly forming in the corner.

             Shirley was getting ready to go out on a date with her boyfriend, Carmine.  Jason leaned ever so slightly to see around Cassie.

            “Now you’re trying to watch TV while I am talking to you?” Cassie looked indignant.

            Jason straightened up slowly as though yawning, “You have my full attention.”

            Cassie sniffed and continued, “I think a nice quiet dinner out tonight would be nice…do you have any suggestions?”

            Squiggy asked Carmine what language he was speaking on the TV and Carmine

            answered, “Italian.” Laughter.

            Jason, still looking at Cassie with one eye on the television, “…um…ah…”

            Cassie tapped her foot.  “Yes?”

            Jason looked at Carmine and then at Cassie, “Italian.”

            Cassie’s eyes opened in surprise and then she bent down and gave him a kiss. “I love it!  I’ll get dressed.”  She almost skipped out of the room, but then stopped and looked back, “I love you.”

He answered quickly, “Love you.” And she danced into the hallway and out of sight.

            Jason smiled and turned the television off.   

Television by Lydia Davis

Television

After reading Lydia Davis’s “Television”, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the piece but after a second reading, I liked the piece.

Television certainly plays a large part in most people’s lives and I feel like the first sentence rings true...”We all have these favorite shows coming on every evening”. Of course, everyone has certain TV shows they look forward to and there is that certain build up each week that keeps viewers tuning in. Television and film offer an escape from every day life in different situations, settings, and people from our normal life. I have a visual of the narrator and her family in this piece of a bored wife in a mundane life with her husband and mother. Its almost as if she looks to TV for excitement and even if she doesn’t necessarily like the product on TV she still watches. You also get a sense of loneliness in the story especially on the second page when it describes the situation of taking the phone off the hook and the not answering the door even though it rarely gets knocked on. I also like some of the imagery, for example “ I think it is a television sound beyond the wall, but it’s the honking of wild geese flying south in the first dark of evening.” I also like the way they story is broken up into three settings , it kind of reminded me of coming in from school or work in the afternoon and beginning to watch TV from that point to the end of the night. For instance, the part 1 describes the News and Game shows which are normally on earlier in the day then moving onto nighttime dramas and finally a movie. 

In the final part of the story as the narrator begins talking about her life as a movie and wishes she could have a “movie made for TV” since it would skip over all complications and be easy to understand and major events will happen abruptly. I really found the last page interesting especially when the narrator is talking about major events as well as the last line “All this was compressed into the very end of a day in my life that as the evening advanced had already moved away from me...”